From Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary:

Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

History, n. an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.